‘Gotta catch em all!….wait, what?! ALL of them!?’ or What Pokemon Taught Me
1. Brock is a sexual predator who falls in love with every girl he meets. He had a really rockin’ song about it that he used to sing at the end of an episode.
What a dream boat- he cant decided who he loves so he just decides to have them both! Romantic! But wait- who’s that other girl?! Monogamy is not something Brock understands, obviously.
2. Pikachu will never evolve, no matter how much you want him to.
3. Speaking of evolution, as opposed to the ‘evolution happens over millions of years’ rubbish, Pokemon can do it at random after no specific amount of time. And they never seem to die, they just faint, so that’s a plus.
4. All Pokemon speak the same language, which just so happens to be repeating their own name. Handy.
5. Sending a young boy out on his own with a temperamental electric yellow mutant is not only responsible, it’s encouraged.
6. In Pokemon land- or Pallet Town and the surrounding areas, because I can’t remember any other place names- there aren’t many career options. You can be a trainer, a gym leader, a nurse or police officer (but only if you are from the same inbred Jenny-and-Joy families), or a poacher.
7. If you choose to be a poacher, don’t join Team Rocket. No matter how cool the name is, you’ll never steal anything. And a talking cat Pokemon will trail around after you saying mean things and generally being annoying. You will also need to come up with a catchy monologue to recite to your enemies every time you meet. It’s just a lot of hassle.
8. Animal fights are encouraged not only as sport, but as a means to catch more Pokemon to add to your collection.
9. The Pokemon live in weird shiny balls. Who knows how they fit, but I can’t imagine it’s very comfortable.
10. When times get tough and there’s no obvious solution, there’s only one thing for it. Turn your hat around. Now you mean business.