Prom: What’s The Worst That Could Happen?

by swonderfulsmarvellous

I think I fell in love with the idea of the All American Prom when I watched the infamous prom episode of Saved By The Bell. Jessie and AC got locked in the boiler room but instead of having a lousy time getting hot and sweaty while banging on a lot of pipes to get attention, they ended up getting hot and sweaty and making out. It was a cowboy themed prom, and Mr. Belding sang some kind of folksy song with a violin while Zack and Kelly danced the night away in rhinestoned boots.

My first concern was, obviously, how Jessie and AC’s hair stayed so small- they were both rockin’ perms in a very humid environment. By all accounts they should have been looking like Whitney Houston in her ‘I wanna dance with somebody’ days by that last kiss.

My second concern came when I asked my mum if schools had proms in England- the kids at Bayside got about 10 dances a year, so I was hopeful I would at least get one. Unfortunately, it was circa 1997-8, and us Brits apparently hadn’t watched Nickelodeon enough.

As I grew older, my thoughts of having a prom wavered and then petered out. But then- salvation!- my brother got to go to his ‘end-of-year-dance’ when he left school! Being 3 years older than me, I had 3 years to prepare myself for the ultimate night. What amazing adventures would go down? Would I get trapped in a ventilation shaft with my one true love? Would my best friend’s dad lose his job, leaving her alone on prom night only to swept up by Zack Morris?

I was sorely disappointed. Firstly, we weren’t allowed to call our dance the p-word; I’m not sure why. Maybe the teachers envisioned psychopaths and anti p-words spoiling the whole night. Secondly, the most scandalous thing to rock our night was a few drunken teachers and one great declaration of love (which was turned down- ouch.)

And so, in honour of prom season, I give you my most favourite high school proms of all time. I wish I’d have been there.

3. 10 Things I Hate About You, Padua Stadium High School.

What with Bianca’s dress (long live the tutu and cropped satin top combo!), Kat’s hair, Heath Ledger’s weird pact with Joey Donner (who starred in commercials for nose sprays and other totally cool things) and a rockin’ band, this prom was amazing. Granted, it wasn’t amazing for Kat or Joey, but Bianca did get to beat up Fabio and Joseph Gordon-Levitt got the girl. N’aww.

2. Dawson’s Creek, Capeside High/The Fish Restaurant

Not only did we have the invention of the ‘Anti-Prom,’ we had about a zillion lingering looks between Pacey and Joey, and even more looks  between Pacey and Dawson (though they weren’t so lingering.) I don’t understand how anyone who attended the Anti Fish Prom wasn’t sat watching the drama unfold with popcorn and foam fingers.

It also set up the greatest crying scene in television history.

If I make this face, maybe Joey will love me. Wait, where’d she go?

No wonder Joey got on the boat.

1. One Tree Hill, Tree Hill High School/Peyton’s house

Season 4 in Tree Hill was like something from a horror film. On prom night, weird not-brother Derek returns and tries to kill Brooke and Peyton. He’s pretty rubbish at it, and he ends up being beaten up by them both in a series of deadly cheerleading moves. Smooth. Lucas finds out that his dad killed his uncle, Hayley is so pregnant she shouldn’t be anywhere near a prom and there is hardly any dancing. One guy does try to liven things up by spiking the punch, but Nathan doesn’t appreciate his baby getting drunk in the womb.

Actually, that’s the worst prom ever. Even the dresses were ruined with blood. I think it would have been much better if everyone had gone to a Bayside party.

There ain’t no party like a Bayside party

Look at all that cowboy fun.