5 Reasons Why Jeff Goldblum is the Perfect Man

by swonderfulsmarvellous

This post is dedicated to my best science friend Hannah. It is Hannah’s 22nd birthday today and this is her gift from me. Yes, you guessed it: I have no money to buy her a real gift. I hope this will make up for it, Hannah!

And, okay, maybe half of this list is reasons why the characters played by Jeff Goldblum are perfect, but lets not split hairs over the detail.

Boromir making a Jeff Goldblum reference? I’m in heaven…

1. He is the king of intellectual banter.

Henry Wu: You’re implying that a group composed entirely of female animals will… breed? 
Dr. Ian Malcolm: No, I’m, I’m simply saying that life, uh… finds a way. 

Yeah it does! Everyone’s like, ‘Pffft, lady dinosaurs can’t get it on with other lady dinosaurs to make baby dinosaurs!’ And he’s all ‘Uh…life…uh…finds….uh….a way….dumbass.’

2. He’s very attractive.

Even now, nearly 20 years after his sexy turn as Dr. Ian Malcolm, he is a stone cold fox. And did you see him in Independence Day? Next to Will Smith in his army type uniform, he should have looked ridiculous. Like Brains in Thunderbirds was never going to be the attractive one (if they were real: obviously, puppets cannot be sexy.)

But he was MORE attractive than The Big Smith because he was understated. Those glasses. That hair. The flannel shirts. *SWOON*

Dr. Ian Malcolm: I’m always on the lookout for the future ex-Mrs. Malcolm. 

My knees are going weak.

3. He likes dinosaurs/aliens/Glee clubs/Joey from ‘Friends’ and I like all those things too!

Okay, so this is more about Jeff the actor, not Jeff the amazing Doc/Scientist/Nerd guy who saves the world with hand held flares and computer viruses. Obviously, Jeff would not have partaken in any of his films/TV shows if he wasn’t interested in the subject matter at hand. So we can safely say that he also likes to talk at great lengths about dinosaurs and aliens, and I DO TOO!

4. He is clever. But not just clever. He is SUPER CLEVER. 

I’m into History. I’m into English. As it happens, I did an English and History degree. I am so rubbish at science, I spent most of my lessons in school melting pen tops with bunsen burners. But then along came Jeff Goldblum and opened my eyes: science can be fun! Science can be banter! Science can be SEXY! So not only is he SUPER CLEVER, he in return made me PARTIALLY CLEVER AT SCIENCE STUFF.

Ask me anything about chaos theory. Seriously, anything.

Dr. Ian Malcolm: See, here I am now, by myself, talking to myself. That’s Chaos Theory!

5. He has agreed to return as Dr. Ian Malcolm for Jurassic Park XVIIII: The Return of That Guy Who Got Eaten On The Toilet. 

OMG THIS MAN IS PERFECT!!! (We can totally let him off for The Lost World. Not sure what was going on there.)