‘There are 7 basic erogenous zones….’ Or What Friends Taught Me
1. Joey doesn’t share food. All the other Friends cannot understand why Joey refuses to share his fries when his date has ordered a ‘garden salad.’ But to be completely fair to Joey, I am exactly the same. Everybody’s like ‘Oh my GOD, you are SO SELFISH!’ But I would gladly buy you your own bag of Maltesers when we go to the cinema. Just don’t REFUSE a bag all to yourself and then dip into mine! That’s how you end up losing some fingers.
2. Pivot. PIVOT! This is handy knowledge I now have for if I ever move house and take hefty furniture with me. I also know that if I am ever in a pivoting situation, it would probably be best if I bring my most muscular friends to help me do the job, and not the Chandler-esque weeds.
3. Peeing on jellyfish stings is one way of cementing a relationship. I mean, look at Chandler and Monica. They eventually got married!
4. And by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means ‘you are.’ Y-O-U-R means ‘your!’ I like to think that Rachel fell in love with Ross because of his fine attention to detail when using punctuation marks. And because of his dinosaur watch, obviously.
5. No matter how young you are, leather pants are never a good idea. On men. I think certain ladies can pull them off. (I loved them in the 90’s when it was all very PVC but only the Posh Spice Girl was allowed to wear real leather.) Also, if you are ever trying to take off a pair of leather slacks without chafing, don’t mix together talc and lotion. They will MAKE A PASTE!
6. Unagi is a type of sushi, not a form of karate. Sorry, a state of karate. Or something.
7. Fake names are a necessity. They can be used to solve all sorts of problems, including stopping your friend leaving for France and trying to convince a man to join an Identical Hand Twin showcase.
8. Trifle does not contain meat. I know a lot of English desserts sound odd (I only discovered that mince pies didn’t have mince in them when I was 13- and I live in England!) but we’re not that odd. We do seem to enjoy cheese as a dessert though and that is something I will never be on board with.
9. Foreign ‘Friends’ is not as funny as English ‘Friends.’ So keep your monkey away from the TV remote.
10. If you are reading Little Women and you get to the sad part, put your book in the freezer. And then go watch Friends to cheer yourself up.