Can I get some cake? Some candles?! Some PRESENTS?!
No. Because I am currently in bed with horrible, spirit crushing, all over shittastic flu.
This is me.
Look how sad I am. And unattractive. Being ill is pretty damn soul destroying (except when you weigh yourself after 4 days of fasting and you’ve lost half a stone! WHEY!)
But, hey! It’s my blogs birthday, and we must celebrate somehow.
…So all my poor blog gets is a high five. I feel so ashamed. But I’m too tired to argue with myself. I must get into bed and take some pills. And watch CSI, because that it all that is keeping me sane.
HIGH FIVE BLOG. HIGH FIVE.
I think anyone who is familiar with my love for Boromir will not be at all surprised that I’ve finally got around to writing this list. Actually, you’re probably wondering why it took me so long! Well, here it is: things I learnt from Gandalf and co. Enjoy.
1. One does not simply walk into Mordor. This advice can be applied to pretty much anything. ‘One does not simply eat the last cookie without asking if anyone else wants it.’ ‘One does not simply wear leather trousers.’ ‘One does not simply enjoy watching Mean Girls 2.’
2. Don’t-under any circumstances- trust a guy who gives you a magical ring. Especially if he lives in a volcano and looks like a monster.
3. Elves have a secret stash of hair care products that they refuse to share with anyone else. Which is just plain rude, considering the state of Gimli’s beard by ROTK.
4. If you make bold statements like ‘No man can kill me,’ swaggering about on your flying lizard like da man, you can be sure a woman will turn up with a big pointy sword and ram it in your face. Because that’s what happens when you get cocky.
5. Gollum is not partial to fish and chips. He thinks they are nasty.
6. Moths have friends in high places. Literally. Because they are friends with giant birds. *CUE PUNCHLINE*
7. As it turns out, there are indeed dwarf women! Don’t be fooled by their beards!
8. Gandalf isn’t dead! Oh, wait. *SPOILERS!* But really, did you ever think he really was?! He’s a wizard!
9. Always climb over mountains- don’t be tempted to go through them. There’s a whole load of nasty going on down there.
10. Everyone has a BFF in Middle Earth. Merry has Pippin. Frodo has Sam. Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas have a 3 way bromance going on. Gollum has The Ring. Arwen has her horse. Gandalf has Elrond. Etc, etc, etc. The only people who don’t have BFF’s are the baddies (but even Sauron has Saruman) and those destined to die, like Boromir. But chances are he has a BFF back home in Gondor, and we just never see him. Sad times.
Searching For a Job Has Reached New Lows
I don’t look forward to rejection emails to job applications. I don’t think anyone does, to be honest. 10 months ago when I was first starting out as a graduate, fresh faced and happy just to receive an acknowledgement of my application, the email in question would not have bothered me in the slightest.
I don’t think I can call myself a ‘recent graduate’ anymore. July 11th will be the 1 year anniversary of my graduation and I am dreading it. What do I have to show for my first year as a proper adult? Lots of work experience, a freelance writing position that I love (but unfortunately doesn’t pay enough for me to move down to London) and a teaching assistant position at a local college, helping students with learning difficulties. Some might say I have my plate full- why am I whining? At least I have things to do.
I have always wanted to be a part of the book publishing process. When I was 10 years old, and I was asked by my teacher what I wanted to be when I grew up, my list consisted of author first, journalist second, and ‘maker of books’ 3rd. As I grew older, it rose to the top of my list. (At one time or another, my list also included ballerina, gymnast, and stage actress. I’m glad I put those dreams to rest early!)
Now, because I’m trying to head out into the wide world of publishing, experience is everything. I have experience, so lets check that off my list. The other thing you must have is an eye for detail- checking grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. And, of course, just making sure that everything you write looks professional.
And so, with that in mind, this is why this particular email riled me so much. Sent to me by a leading UK publishing house, it is an email that I wouldn’t consider sending in my wildest dreams. Let’s take a look, shall we?
Different sized fonts? Check. Weird spacing? Check. Spelling my name without a capital letter? Check. Full stops in the middle of sentences? Check. Poor sentence structure? Check. A subject that makes little sense? Check, check and check!
I am still in disbelief that I am trying (and failing) to get a job in publishing, while this person is casually sat at their desk, churning out emails like this. The email is basically saying ‘You’re not good enough for the job, and because of this, I can’t actually be bothered to write an email to you that reflects the standards of the company I represent. Sod off.’
And it’s not just humiliating-it’s down right degrading.
At least I know that when I do eventually get a job (and I know that it will happen because in no way am I ever going to give up) I will make sure I appreciate how lucky I am by treating the job with respect. I will remember that every person deserves the same consideration as everybody else- I wouldn’t hand write a letter with bad grammar and shoddy penmanship, and I wouldn’t have ever expected to receive an email with the same lack of consideration.