Joey Potter: The Reason Capeside Sucked

by swonderfulsmarvellous

In the Creek of Dawson, there’s a lot of talking about sex and not a lot of doing it. There’s a lot of boyfriend thievery. And there’s a lot of incomprehensible nonsense spoken between 15 year olds that amounts to nothing.

But no character in Capeside falls foul of all things annoying more than Joey Potter. I’ll try and keep the list as short as possible, though I could probably write a thesis on her inability to act like a normal human being.

1. This is high school- stop talking like an old college professor.

It made me feel pretty stupid when Joey was spouting some shitty nonsense to Dawson or Pacey about how wrong they were, about how the world was changing, how she was changing, blah blah blah, and I had no idea what she was talking about. Think how Dawson and Pacey must have felt!

This has to be one of my favourites.

Joey: So the friendship? You don’t think we’re friends anymore?
Dawson: I don’t know. Are we more? Are we less? All I know is it’s just not the way it used to be. Nothing is anymore.
Joey: It’s called social evolution, Dawson. What’s strong enough flourishes and what doesn’t we look at behind glass cases in science museums.
Dawson: You and I? Are we museum bound?

‘It’s called social evolution?!’ SERIOUSLY?! It’s called ‘I want to have sex with you but you’re a douche who wears baggy shirts and I like to keep my options open.’

2. She has uneven eyebrows

In itself, this is quite a small detail. But it really gets on my nerves. I have wonky eyebrows and I never have 2 guys fighting over me.

3. She is holier than thou about everything.

‘Oh my god, you guys are having sex?! Oh my god, you did drugs?! OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE A LIFE!? I WILL JUDGE YOU! JUDGE YOU WHILE I CLIMB INTO DAWSON’S BEDROOM AT NIGHT AND SLEEP OVER, TOTALLY PLATONIC!’

Not that I’m condoning underage sex and drug abuse. I’m just saying she’s not very open to new things. Or new people…

4. She’s a bitch

One of the biggest problems with Ms. Potter is not that she talks like a raving sociopath, or that she is a secret nun, but because she is a bitch. She treated Jen like shit when she first arrived, and she’d been sent from New York to live with her Christian grandmother. I mean, before they became chummy, Jen and Grams didn’t have the best relationship. She needed sympathy. She needed a friend. Joey basically forced her into a friendship with Abby, who had serious issues. (Don’t worry though… she died.)

You wouldn’t want to be Joey’s friend. She’d ask to do homework instead of going to parties. She’d tell you Pacey wasn’t interested in you and then go on a boat with him all summer. Pah.

5. She steals people’s boyfriends

This is my main issue. I’ve done some detective work, and this is what I’ve found…

Boyfriend 1: Dawson. Stolen from Jen.

Boyfriend 2: Jack. Kissed while still going out with Dawson.

Boyfriend 3: Pacey. Was with Andie. Joey kisses him even though she knew one of her best friends was still in love with him. Worst. Friend. Ever.

Boyfriend 4: Charlie. Jens ex. Seriously.

Boyfriend 5: Dawson (again). Eesh. By this point I was getting more than annoyed.

…And she ended up with Pacey, who everyone knows should have ended up with Busy Phillips. What a bitch.

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